I don’t want him to leave me please help

I’ve been with my partner for 19 years since I was 15, I didn’t have a great childhood. I had my first child with him when I was 16 my 3rd by the age of 21, I never experienced the teenage years at 22 I started to go out, in the space of approx 6 weeks I messed up badly, me and my partner were arguing a lot, I went out got incredibly drunk, I seen his friend and he offered me to stay at his because I was told I wasn’t to return home,(my partner owns the house) me never thought much of it said yes I was so drunk, all I know I was in bed and his friend ended up on top of me having sex it was the matter of about 3 mins, that was it nothing else, previous to this happening I engaged in conversation with a dj who worked in a night club he was being nice to me chatting me up I suppose, I had never experienced anything like that, I never had boyfriends at school I had only been with my partner, so after my drunken mishap and with tension arising at home I ended up the arms of the dj, this time it was more willingly that my last encounter, while doing it I felt sick and empty inside, it wasn’t what I wanted, I tried to **** this out, got on with my life with my partner and 3 children now 10 years on it has came to surface, initially and stupidly of me I didn’t want to reveal everything to my partner, it then took me 3 weeks, we have been trying to sort it out we really do love each other the problem is because I lied and held back information to start with my partner won’t believe me I am telling the truth, he has moved out and told me he can’t move forward because he thinks there is more, I have told him everything to the last detail, I am ill exhausted depressed I can’t function, I have been signed off my work, I really want to sort things out, I should add during all the revealing he told me that he did too encounter a drunken sex night with a woman he then tried to be my friend, we were young, we made mistakes why can’t he deal with it to move forward, I have never been more certain he is the love of my life I don't want him to leave me  please helpI don't want him to leave me  please helpI don't want him to leave me  please help

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